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Accomplishments versus “Accomplishments”

By Danny Radical

Accomplishments. We all have a different sense of accomplishment- sometimes it’s finally learning your favorite song on your favorite instrument. Sometimes it’s perfecting the recipe for lasagna. For some it’s getting that perfect sunset in the background of the picture you’re taking. Sometimes it’s fixing the engine of your classic car. It can even be something like beating your last highest level on your favorite video game, or searching out a 20% off code for an on line purchase. Something you can point at and say “This made a difference in something.”

So here’s a question I have for you- If you just show up somewhere, is it an accomplishment? The simple act of just arriving at a place? Well, there’s a reason I ask.


Here are some lists of the history of record setters for the New York Islanders:

Goals Scored

1. Mike Bossy 573
2. Bryan Trottier 500
3. Denis Potvin 310
4. Clark Gillies 304
5. Pat LaFontaine 287
Brent Sutter 287
7. John “Cuck” Tavares 272
8. Bob Bourne 238
9. Bob Nystrom 235
10. Derek King 211

Assists:
1. Bryan Trottier 853
2. Denis Potvin 742
3. Mike Bossy 553
4. Clark Gillies 359
5. John “I Have Dreams!” Tavares 349
6. John Tonelli 338
7. Pat Flatley 328
8. Brent Sutter 323
9. Stefan Persson 317
10. Bob Bourne 304

Points:
1. Bryan Trottier 1353
2. Mike Bossy 1126
3. Denis Potvin 1052
4. Clark Gillies 663
5. John “Garth Snow adopted me” Tavares 621
6. Brent Sutter 610
7. Pat LaFontaine 566
8. John Tonelli 544
9. Bob Bourne 542
10. Bob Nystrom 513

Power Play Goals:
1. Mike Bossy 180
2. Bryan Trottier 158
3. Denis Potvin 127
4. Clark Gillies 92
5. Brent Sutter 90
6. John “Don’t Trade Me! Please!” Tavares 83
7. Derek King 81
8. Pat LaFontaine 79
9. Pierre Turgeon 50
10. Mariusz Czerkawski/ Alexei Yashin 47

Goals per Game:
1. Mike Bossy 0.76
2. Pierre Turgeon 0.58
3. Pat LaFontaine 0.54
4. Ziggy Palffy 0.51
5. Bryan Trottier 0.45
6. Steve Thomas 0.43
7. Brent Sutter 0.41
8. Benoit Hogue 0.41
9. “Johnny Pajamas” Tavares 0.41
10. Matt Moulson 0.39

Assists per Game:
1. Bryan Trottier 0.76
2. Pierre Turgeon 0.76
3. Mike Bossy 0.74
4. Denis Potvin 0.70
5. Vladimir Malakhov 0.59
6. Jeff Norton 0.59
7. John “The Champion JT” Tonelli 0.57
8. Tom Kurvers 0.56
9. Robert Reichel 0.55
10. Pat LaFontaine 0.53

You may notice a lot of overlap in those names. A lot of great hockey players, and a lot of good hockey players. Then there’s this list:

Games Played:
1. Bryan Trottier 1123
2. Denis Potvin 1060
3. Bob Nystrom 900
4. Clark Gillies 872
5. Bob Bourne 814
6. Mike Bossy 752
7. Josh Bailey 715
8. Pat Flatley 712
9. Brent Sutter 694
10. Billy Smith 674

If you’re observant, you might notice something here. Nine out of the ten players on the most games played list also appear on the lists of individual achievements, many of which have led to team achievements. Others appeared on the achievement lists without even making the top ten in games played. But then, we have an outlier. Many accomplished players, and then the one that isn’t.


That one, lone lumpfull of nothing? Joshua Bailey.

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"I did good!"

Bailey has many defenders because he’s a good guy and clearly has potent semen. You may point to Baileys “stats” and defend him by saying “Well, he doesn’t score a lot, but that’s because he doesn’t shoot a lot. But when he shoots, it’s money in the bank.” Ok, here are the top ten highest career shooting percentages for the Islanders:


Shooting Percentage:
1.Ray Ferraro 21.2
2.Mike Bossy 21.2
3.Butch Goring 19.8
4.Bryan Trottier 19.0
5.Mikko Makela 19.0
6.Greg Gilbert 18.9
7.Benoit Hogue 18.8
8.John Tonelli 18.6
9.Mark Parrish 18.5
10.Pat LaFontaine 17.5


For the amount of goals Bossy scored, that shooting percentage is an absolutely absurd stat. But hey, maybe Bailey was 11th. Hmm, I wonder where exactly Bailey’s career shooting percentage does sit?


10.9%. Just about HALF of RAY FERRARO. Based on the way #IslesKoolAid speaks about Bailey, Chicken Parm must have been an AMAZING playmaker! Or maybe it’s that #IslesKoolAid is just full of shit as usual.

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"Garth! Not on the floor!"

At this point you may change your approach to a Barely defense. You may say that all of these offensive stats mean nothing, and that Bailey is a defensive minded forward. If that were the case, clearly after a decade he’d be among team leaders in plus minus, right?


Plus/Minus:
1. Bryan Trottier 467
2. Denis Potvin 456
3. Mike Bossy 380
4. Clark Gillies 244
5. John Tonelli 215
6. Stefan Persson 176
7. Bob Bourne 162
8. Dave Lewis 146
9. Ken Morrow 142
10. Gerry Hart 132

Bob Bourne is a better defensive player for the Islanders than Josh Bailey. Bourne was an Islander for 12 years, and in three of those posted a negative plus/minus. Is Bob Bourne a fucking multimillionaire? No, no he’s not. But Bailey is, because the GM who drafted and paid him ruined a franchise so badly that the star player that same GM drafted up and walked out on his fat ass.

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"Hello Dominos? I'm starving!"

I’m betting you want me to check top ten in shorthanded goals too. I did. No Bailey. Stunner. 10 years, 4-3-7. LESS than a shorthanded POINT. A. YEAR. Christ.


I would argue that the most offensive stats Bailey has put up are “games played” and “points per game without playing next to John Tavares” because those stats are truly offensive.

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"When is it my turn to learn to play?"

We also have to address the elephant in the room. Hi Garth! And thanks to Garth, there’s this simple fact: if Josh Bailey plays out his present six year deal with the Islanders, he will have spent 16 years doing nothing with the same franchise. Why is that a big deal?


Understand that 6 years of a healthy Josh Bailey- healthy meaning 75 games a year- would place Bailey’s career total of games played at 1165. This number of games played would make Josh Bailey the all time leader in games played for the New York Islanders, surpassing all of the Islander Hall of Famers and legends.

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You know, maybe with 1165 games, Bailey will close in on the top 12 in points.


Can you imagine a player with as many games played with so few accomplishments? And I’m sure that #IslesRealists all recognize that the Bailey extension was the ultimate “Fuck you” to the franchise by Garth Snow, who is looking to get his fat ass attached to something in the records book somehow without doing much, as per usual.


But the point of this is not meant to bash Josh Bailey. Well, actually, it is, but even I have to pay respects to the next potential Mr. Islander. But how?

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Move over, Bobby...

Bailey is accomplished neither offensively or defensively. He has a highlight reel that can play on Snapchat. In looking at some way to honor Bailey for a career full of nothing special, we have to dig deep into the well of meaningless awards. And what award is the most meaningless? A service award.


“5 Years on the Job!” What a shitty award. That’s no accomplishment. It means you knew enough to show up to work to grab 130 paychecks. “Perfect Attendance.” Great! You did the most basic element of what you were supposed to do, and perfectly! Sadly this is all Bailey has given us to work with. So we’re going to do just that.


Introducing the first ever New York Islanders Attendance Award! And the initial recipient? Josh Bailey. In over 700 games, Bailey has failed to accomplish anything tangible in the form of successful, team lifting, awe inspiring results. Or even just scoring 20 goals in a season.

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What he has done, however, is show up to work. So much so that he’s among the pantheon of Islander greats. For just showing up.


Sure, he hasn’t grabbed assists like the top 10 draft pick playmaker that he was promised to be. And no, he hasn’t scored goals on a clip equal to legendary 200 goal scorer Bob Bourne. His total points are also nothing to marvel over despite being in the league for a decade. And I can assure you he’s not leading the franchise in hat tricks. It took him a decade just to break into that club, the fucking zilch.

No, today we honor Josh with the only thing no one can take away from him: he knows where the arena is.

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So kudos to Josh Bailey for finally being recognized both for his lack of greatness, but also his contractual perseverance to be listed sans accomplishments among the greats. Take a victory lap Josh. You’ve earned it. And see you at the rink for the next game...continuing your lifelong quest at being statistically insignificant.

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The movie was titled "Disappointing"